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EDITOR'S THOUGHTS

WRITING HUMOR

If you told any one in my family that I was funny, they'd laugh their heads off. I'm the one who cannot tell a joke, forgets punch lines, and has a delayed reaction to everyone else's humor. 

I have been know to cross the line and pull of humor in my novels, and I've made audiences fill a room with laughter as a smart-aleck remark about my writing life. Don't ask me how I do it, but sometimes it just leaks out. I know better than to count on it, though. If I think about how to present humor, it falls flat. 

However, there are humor writers out there, and since we rarely talk about it here, I felt I owed a few readers a list of those markets. Humor markets aren't as common as they used to be, but there are a handful left that want your giggles and guffaws. 

CRACKED
https://www.cracked.com/article_26097_write-cracked-get-paid-heres-how.html
Pays $150 for first four articles, and $250 for every one after that. 

FUNNY TIMES
https://funnytimes.com/about/submissions/
Pokes fun at politics, news, relationships, food, technology, pets, work, death, environmental issues, business, religion (yes, even religion) and the human condition in general. Not much is off limits. 500-700 words. Pays $75 per story.

READER'S DIGEST
https://www.rd.com/submit-joke/
Pays $25 for any joke, gag, or funny quote and $100 for any true funny story published in a print edition of Reader's Digest. 

THE IMPERFECT PARENT
https://www.imperfectparent.com/articles/submission-guidelines/
The main focus of The Imperfect Parent is to provide a world view from a parent’s perspective. Our main criterion is that the writing either makes people think, laugh, or both. Our objective is to get parents to think about social issues, politics and parenting methods through humor or unique prospectives. Most short essay style pieces pay around $25 and go up from there. Not a big payer.

MOTHERLY
https://www.mother.ly/contribute/
MotherlyStories are first person, 700-900 word stories, reflecting on the insights and issues you’ve experienced in motherhood. We are always looking for honest depictions of the heartwarming, hilarious, and unglamorous moments of motherhood. Pays ten cents/word and up. 

WEEKLY HUMORIST
https://weeklyhumorist.com/submission-2/
Seeking worthy comedy writers for article submissions to Weekly Humorist. ​Article submissions​ can be topical, conceptual, absurdist, lists, open letters, photoshops, fake news blurbs, reviews of inanimate objects, ​etc. Limit 1,​500 words.​ Unfortunately, they only pay $20. 

SASEE
https://sasee.com/submissions/
Essays, humor, satire, personal experience, and features on topics relating to women are the primary editorial focus. Articles should be 500 to 1000 words in length. Expect 10-20 cents/word.

Other lists of humor sites accepting submissions are:
https://aspiringauthor.com/submissions/25-markets-humor-writing-submissions/

And below you'll find a few contests and publishers for your fantastic funny writing as well. Enjoy. 

8609272 © Tomáš Prokop | Dreamstime.com
 

WARNING NOTE: 
Not long ago we posted this competition. However, the hosts of the contest are not answering email, and this is a concern. Therefore, we are issuing a WARNING to writers that this contest might be shaky and they should be careful if choosing to enter.

THE CHILLING PEN AWARD
https://chillingpen.org/
Deadline October 1, 2023. Unveil the complexities of betrayal in this years Chilling Pen award, the theme of the award. We invite writers from around the globe to submit their original, unpublished works of fiction or non-fiction that explore the theme of betrayal in all its forms - be it personal, political, or societal. Limit 1,000 words. All genres and styles welcomed. First, second and third place entries will be published on the website and social media. First place $500. Second place $300. Third place $100.

 

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SUccess Story

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If you have a success story you believe was prompted by FundsforWriters, please share with us! Send to hope@chopeclark.com 

 

Featured article

What I Wish I'd Known Before Becoming a Ghostwriter
By Juliane Bergmann

I was intrigued when I accepted a ghostwriting contract a couple of years ago, but instead of becoming Prince Harry's secret scribe, I learned the reality is much less glamorous.

Lack of variety

Most clients hired a ghostwriter because they weren't writers themselves or couldn't devote enough time. I’ve also worked with some authors whose first language wasn't English or who were differently abled physically or mentally, making it challenging to write a book on their own.

However, the vast majority of clients were business owners who wanted to publish a book as a personal legacy or to boost their business. A book is the new business card and a way to establish or cement credibility.

Book factory feel

I'm a sucker for gorgeous, lyrical prose and accepted the ghostwriting contract mostly because I thought there'd be more emphasis on the craft of writing. I wanted to get away from snappy, SEO content and deeply technical (and sometimes yawn-inducing) writing.

The small publisher I worked for charges clients to write, edit, design, publish, and market their books. After interviewing the author to collect content, I was expected to put together a full manuscript draft in 6 - 8 weeks. Depending on the subject matter, I usually didn't consider that enough time to create a high-quality deliverable.

Customer is king (even to the book's detriment)

While writers with traditional publishing deals don't usually have the final say over the book title, cover, or final edit, all of my clients did. Most clients were grateful to have the guidance of experts. However, some liberally exercised their veto power and chose titles that didn't make sense, decided on a book cover based on outdated trends, or left content in their books that opened them up to legal troubles.

Lower pay

I was a freelancer, not an employee, and started out at $50/hr, ending at $60/hr. I would have loved this hourly rate when I started my own business seven years ago, but it was my lowest-paying gig at this point in my career. I was fascinated by learning about the book process from start to finish, and I got to work with many brilliant creatives. I met some wonderful authors and felt honored to tell their stories. However, continuing that work wasn't financially feasible, especially when my other marketing and technical writing clients were paying me between $80 – 95/hr, depending on the specific services.

Amateur therapy

I spent hours interviewing each author for several months. Most book topics were business related, but some were memoirs or included personal stories. Talking to clients who wanted to use the book as a business card and, therefore, were keen on making themselves look good, required diplomatic efforts to extract the truth without wounding egos.

If the content was of a personal nature, authors often got emotional in conversations. With some, it was an honor to be a witness to their life story. With others, I felt like an unpaid therapist.
After nine books, I realized that ghostwriting was much more emotionally and mentally taxing than my marketing and technical writing work. I found myself using up most of my creative juice for other people's books instead of working on my own projects. Together with lower pay and faster turnaround times, it wasn't a good fit for me.

The experience taught me how important it is to diversify my services. I now mix and match marketing and technical writing with full-length books and my own passion projects. Trial and error help me add a few of these new services while still earning a living and keeping the creativity flowing. 

Bio:
Juliane Bergmann is a technical writer for Montana State University, the Department of Defense, and the Department of Veterans Affairs. As a book coach, ghostwriter, and editor, she's guided nine first-time authors through the ideation and creation of their non-fiction books spanning memoir, entrepreneurship, business development, psychedelics, healthcare, IT, immigration, coaching, and leadership.

Juliane's work has appeared in: Mamalode, The Writing Cooperative, CRY Magazine, A Parent Is Born, The Bozeman Daily Chronicle, and The Scarlett Letter. She was named a semi-finalist in the 2021 Medium Writing Challenge for her essay How To Become A More Selfish Parent.
Juliane offers free writing resources at https://julianebergmann.ghost.io/

31317506 © Lemadior | Dreamstime.com




 

COmpetitions

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HUMOR STORY CONTEST
http://www.tuliptreepub.com/humor-contest.html
$20 ENTRY FEE. Deadline October 17, 2023. Entries can be fiction, nonfiction, or poetry—as usual, if it tells a story, and makes us laugh, it fits! Grand prize for each contest: $1,000. Contributors for each issue will be paid a minimum of $50. Additionally, all contributors receive a free copy of the issue in which they appear. Limit 10,000 words. 

WERGLE FLOMP HUMOR POETRY CONTEST
https://winningwriters.com/our-contests/wergle-flomp-humor-poetry-contest-free
NO ENTRY FEE. Opens August 15, 2023. Closes April 1, 2024. First Prize: $2,000 plus a two-year gift certificate from our co-sponsor, Duotrope (a $100 value). Second Prize: $500. Honorable Mentions: 10 awards of $100 each. Top 12 entries published online. One poem only, please. Length limit: 250 lines maximum. No restriction on age of author. Both unpublished and previously published work accepted. 

THE GALLEY BEGGAR PRESS SHORT STORY PRIZE
https://www.galleybeggar.co.uk/prize
£10 ENTRY FEE. Deadline September 30, 2023. Some low-income entry fee slots available. An annual short story competition for both published and unpublished writers, writing original fiction in English, and from anywhere in the world. The award offers prize to the winner of £2500. Shortlisted writers each receive a cash prize of £200. Longlisted writers receive £50 in book vouchers, plus a 4-book subscription to Galley Beggar Press. 

EDINBURGH AWARD FOR FLASH FICTION
https://www.scottishartstrust.org/flash
£7 ENTRY FEE. Deadline August 31, 2023. First Prize £2,000. Second Prize £300. Third Prize £150. Golden Hare Award £500. Publication is offered to authors of the top twenty stories (or more) in our next anthology. Free entry for writers living in Scotland whose immediate family receives any form of income support, carers allowance, or universal credit. The £500 Golden Hare Award is given to the top story entered in the Edinburgh Flash Fiction Awards by anyone over 16 years who is living or studying in Scotland. Stories can be on any topic up to 250 words. The Flash Fiction competition is open to writers worldwide. 

PETER PORTER POETRY PRIZE
https://www.australianbookreview.com.au/prizes-programs/peter-porter-poetry-prize/2024-peter-porter-poetry-prize
AU$20 ENTRY FEE. Deadline October 9, 2023. First prize: AU$6,000. Four other shortlisted poets: AU$1,000. Open to all international poets. Entries must be an original single-authored poem of not more than 70 lines written in English. 

MSLEXIA FLASH FICTION PRIZE
https://mslexia.co.uk/competitions/flash-fiction/
£6 ENTRY FEE. Deadline September 18, 2023. Submit complete short fiction, on any subject, up to 300 words. First prize £500. Three additional finalists each receive £50 and all four winning entries are published in Mslexia. Winning entries plus eight more shortlisted entries will be published in Mslexia's ebook anthology Best Women's Short Fiction 2023. 

SUMMER SHORT STORY AWARD FOR NEW WRITERS
https://mastersreview.com/short-story-award-for-new-writers/
$20 ENTRY FEE. Deadline August 27, 2023. The first-place winner of this contest, selected by our guest judge, will receive a $3,000 grand prize, along with online publication. Second- and third-place winners will receive $300 and $200 respectively, along with online publication. All finalists will receive agency review from our six partnered agencies. This contest is for emerging writers only. Writers with single-author book-length work published or under contract with a major press are ineligible. Submissions of fiction or nonfiction must be under 6,000 words.

THE MOTH NATURE WRITING PRIZE
https://www.themothmagazine.com/a1-page.asp?ID=9311&page=54
€15 ENTRY FEE. Deadline September 30, 2023. The Moth Nature Writing Prize aims to encourage and celebrate the art of nature writing. It is awarded annually to an unpublished piece of prose or poetry which best combines exceptional literary merit with an exploration of the writer’s relationship with the natural world. The prize is open to anyone over the age of sixteen, as long as the work is original and previously unpublished. The first prizewinner receives €1,000 and a week at Circle of Misse in France. This year we have added a second prize of €500 and a third prize of €250. There is a 4,000 maximum word limit.

THE MANCHESTER WRITING COMPETITION - POETRY
https://www.mmu.ac.uk/writingcompetition/poetry-prize
£18 ENTRY FEE. Deadline September 1, 2023. Open to international entries. For a portfolio of three to five poems with a combined maximum length of 120 lines. 100 reduced price (£10) entries are available to entrants who might not otherwise be able to take part in the Competition. Top prize £10,000. 

HTE MANCHESTER FICTION PRIZE
https://www.mmu.ac.uk/writingcompetition/fiction-prize
£18 ENTRY FEE. Deadline September 1, 2023. Open to international entries. For a short story of up to 2,500 words. 100 reduced price (£10) entries are available to entrants who might not otherwise be able to take part in the Competition. Top prize £10,000. 

STRINGYBARK EROTIC SHORT STORY AWARD
https://www.stringybarkstories.net/competitions/open---open-short-story-awards.html
A$15 ENTRY FEE. Deadline August 13, 2023. Limit 1,800 words. First prize A$350. Second prize A$250. Third prize A$125. Other prizes go with the cash prizes. See the rules for what is taboo. 
 

GRANTS / FELLOWSHIPS / CROWDFUNDING

FREELANCE MARKETS / JOBS

BEER & WEED MAGAZINE
https://beerandweedmagazine.com/write-for-us/
Pays $250 for a 750-word column, $375 for a 1,500-word feature. Beer & Weed is a monthly magazine that accepts for consideration all pitches (preferably) and completed manuscripts for interviews, features, profiles, recipes, how-to articles, reviews, and fiction. All writers will receive 12-month subscriptions to Beer & Weed as a courtesy. Maine's premier monthly publication servicing the craft beer and craft canabis communities. 

BEST COLLEGES
https://boards.greenhouse.io/rvedufreelancenetwork/jobs/3483117
craft original content covering a variety of financial topics relevant to higher education, including blog posts and resource guides related to planning and saving for college, paying for college and college budgeting, applying for financial aid, types of financial aid, loan refinancing and consolidation, etc. Additional opportunities to cover general higher education topics (degrees, career planning, student life, etc.) if desired. At the moment, we are currently unable to accept applicants from the following states:
Indiana, Massachusetts, New Jersey, West Virginia. Compensation starts at $100 for every 500 words.

BETCHES
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1I3Nx5Zwz9fIXFtZxKx-VV31djtH_UuV61puOIHZkfmY/edit
We’re looking for hilarious, fresh takes on everything from pop culture to pontifications on the existential dilemmas of the average betch. We’re looking for stories on everything from pop culture and nostalgia, to sex and dating, to everything health and wellness. But not the aspirational content you see on other women’s media websites. We wanna talk about messy, authentic real-life s**t. Pays up to $500 per articles.

FINAL GRAVITY
https://www.beantobarstool.com/final-gravity-zine
Deadline August 1, 2023. Lokoing for people who work in beer and also write. Beyond beer articles, we are soliciting creative writing (poetry, flash fiction, etc.) on any subject from brewery employees. Pitch by August 1, file complete article by October 20. Payment roughly works out to about $.15-$.20 per word. If a writer is able to take their own photos for an article, we pay an extra $25.

TIME OUT (UK)
https://www.timeout.com/about/editorial-guidelines
Looking for contemporary stories about London and the UK. Pitch to Ed Cunningham, Interim Editor at ed.cunningham@timeout.com. Pays 25p per word. Time Out Group is a global media and hospitality business that inspires and enables people to explore and enjoy the city.

THE NORWICH SEEKER
https://www.thenorwichseeker.co.uk/write-for-us/
Has a focus on the environment health and housing, as well as expanding into local power and politics, so particularly interested in hearing from people who'd like to write about those topics in Norwich. Pays up to £200 per article. 

1859'S UNTIL NEXT TIME
https://1859oregonmagazine.com/submit-your-writing/
https://1859oregonmagazine.com/think-oregon/business/writers-guidelines/
The magazine about how Oregonians live, work and play. Payment varies from $0.30/word to $0.50/word. We pay on publication. 1859 Oregon’s Magazine buys all rights, although there can be some exceptions. Until Next Time is our reader’s essay section. We’re looking for articles around 700 words in length with hi-resolution pictures (at least 3000 pixels along one dimension). We’re looking for personal stories about life in Oregon. How has the state shaped your life? What is your personal Oregon history? We welcome all writers, regardless of background and experience. 

 

Publishers/agents

CIDER MILL PRESS
https://www.cidermillpress.com/pages/about-us
Cider Mill Press is an independent publisher of high-quality cookbooks, elegant wine and spirits projects, humorous parodies, classic children's books, and more. 

ANDREWS McNEEL PUBLISHING
https://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/submissions/
Andrews McMeel Publishing is a leading publisher of poetry, inspiration, humor, and children’s books and licensed, popular calendars. We publish as many as 150 books and 200 calendars annually. 

BAILIWICK PRESS
https://www.bailiwickpress.com/about.html
Bailiwick’s books for kids inform, inspire, and delight. As we develop our children’s books, we work with teachers and other educators to make sure they will be equally at home in the classroom as they are on kids’ nightstands.

ALLEN AND UNWIN
https://www.allenandunwin.com/about/submission-guidelines
The country's (Australia) largest independent publishing house, producing more than 250 new titles each year in areas including literary and commercial fiction, a broad range of general non-fiction and lifestyle titles and books for children and young adults.Allen & Unwin know how difficult it can be for writers to get their work in front of publishers, which is why we’ve created our innovative and pioneering submissions system – The Friday Pitch. The Friday Pitch allows for writers of all genres to have their work considered by one of our in-house Submission Editors.

LOOKING GLASS LITERARY AGENCY
https://www.lookingglasslit.com/
Please only submit to one agent at a time. Click the link in the bio of the agent you would like to submit to on the About Us page for submission information. They are interested in a wide assortment of genres.

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